DAMN THOSE TICKS!

     I recently felt my left arm swelling near the wrist. Sure enough, a tick was buried into my flesh, feasting on my blood and threatening to derail my immune system. The tell-tell clue of a few hair follicles raised the red flag.

     My wife, an unregistered nurse, offered to get her tweezers,

dip it in alcohol and send the culprit down our toilet, properly flushed without ceremony. That would serve him or her right!

     I disagreed. Rather, I insisted we go to URGENT CARE, and let a professional digger do the job. She argued that the cost might be prohibitive, paying the doctor, the RN, front desk secretary, a portion of malpractice insurance, dry cleaning, laundry, recovery medicine and some of the building’s overhead.

     But my quest for quality, regardless of cost, prevailed. Jeanne, my other half, and I have been married for half-a-century without a major argument. We always manage to compromise. For example, when she wanted to spend a vacation in Paris, we couldn’t afford it. The settlement was a French kiss.

     As my arm continued to swell and become painful, we drove from our home to URGENT CARE in Southbury, CT. Jeanne decided to time this event. The trip there took only two minutes and seven seconds. Inside the waiting room, I had to fill out a form asking my prior and present medical conditions, before the doctor would see me. I checked off everything from lockjaw to yellow fever, with only one allergy: heavy metal music.

     That office quiz took ten minutes and twenty-two seconds. The doctor needed only a glance to shout, “You’ve got a tick!” Then, faster than David Blaine sawing a woman in half, he used his sterile tweezer to grab the little rascal by the hairs, and throw him or her forcibly into a bin marked BIO HAZARD PAIL.

     Doc’s procedure took three minutes and thirteen seconds. I was ushered into the reception area and handed the bill. Maybe one minute. The trip home, just under two minutes.

     Now what is all this balderdash leading up to? It’s the excruciating pain we both suffered in our living room, as my wife screamed out loud.  The bill from URGENT CARE was $574.83!!! 

     My insurance company offered to pay only half.  That is being appealed. And we drive very carefully when going past URGENT CARE.