The Campaign To Ban Breastfeeding

     In the spring of 2000 I was having lunch with my sister Sally and her daughter-in-law, Jane, with one year old baby Cara. We were in the fashionable  Miramar Restaurant on East Broad Street in Columbus, Ohio. I got up for the bathroom, after placing an order for a shrimp salad, one of the special dishes.
     When I returned to the table Jane was breastfeeding Cara, Sally was eating her hamburger and my salad was waiting. Jane had a bowl of onion soup getting cold. I couldn't help notice that although the crowded restaurant had mostly women eating lunch, men were outnumbered ten to one. None of the ladies seemed to notice Jane's breastfeeding. Nor her lovely breast. But I did! And that's when a light bulb lit up.
     Why not launch a campaign to ban all breastfeeding and make it illegal anywhere in public? Furthermore I would declare this act of feeding a baby immoral. Instead, pump out the milk into a bottle and allow the baby to suck on the rubber nipple for nourishment.
     I could hardly contain my inner excitement over the potential of my next big campaign to BAN BREASTFEEDING. But I wasn't about to share this feeling with Sally or Jane. Neither had a sense of humor and always remained suspicious of my intentions with promoting hoax stories published as fact, rather than fiction. I believe they felt I was somehow making money under the table, or doing something illegal. So they never expressed support for any of my satirical hoaxes, only suspicion.
     For the initial launch of BAN BREASTFEEDING, my wife Jeanne, along with friend and associate Paul Hiatt, drove to Philadelphia in August of 2000 for the Republican Convention. As most of the principal politicians were in meetings or playing golf, we really stole the show with our signs and flyers. The latter explained ".......breastfeeding is a form of sexual gratification between mother and baby that must be stopped. It's a naughty nipple. Furthermore the baby become addicted to oral contact with the breast that leads to smoking, drinking and even homosexuality."
     We created a fire storm with the media and were surrounded by reporters, giving interviews and passing out flyers. After several hours we managed to escape to Atlantic City for an evening of rest and recreation, laughing all the way there. I knew we had a winner and I was right. From that day in August 2000, for the next four years, I did over 200 interviews on radio and a few on television, posing as Dr. Harrison T. Rogers, child psychologist.
     During the summer of 2004, Jeanne and I visited daughter Jennifer in Los Angeles. Paul Hiatt had sufficient mileage points for an airline ticket and several hotel nights. So he joined us that August during the Democratic Convention, to continue with the campaign to Ban Breastfeeding. Some of Jennifer's and Jeff's friends joined us for fun. We captured more publicity, including a photo on the front page of the LA WEEKLY.
     Following Los Angeles, Jeanne and I returned to Connecticut where I did a lot more phone interviews, claiming breastfeeding to be an incestuous relatioship between mother and child, with many mothers "getting off with their babies and faking orgasm with spouses." That statement would really light up a switchboard! In fact, when I was on the air with radio station CHUM in Toronto, I heard the fire engine coming when the switchboard caught on fire. Apparently, hundreds of outraged mothers were calling.
       The Ban the Breastfeeding campaign lasted about five years. It was an integral part of the documentary, "Abel Raises Cain,"  produced, directed and edited by Jen and Jeff. In 2005 they won the first grand prize at Slamdance for "Best Documentary." That honor was followed by other film festival wins in the USA, Canada, England, France, Germany and Spain. What a great tribute from our "little girl" and her hubby!