The Sucker Trap

     The Internet is now a marketplace for everyone to pitch their wares. Actually a global Flea Market. Four decades ago you could hold a garage or tag sale on the sidewalk in front of your home or apartment building. Neighbors could gobble up your "treasures" for peanuts and you got rid of your junk. Plus money to spend on lottery tickets and fulfill a dream of making millions. Just thinking of all that money can drive anyone to heavy drinking, and then months in rehab to become sober.
     So number one in the Sucker Trap are Powerball and MegaMillions. Some 41 states sell the tickets. And we're all suckers for a dollar or two, hoping to win the jackpot. But, you can't win. When the numbers reach a high six figure sum, the national frenzy is unbelievable. Lines around the block at convenience stores and gas stations. The seller of a winning jackpot ticket collects a hefty five figure reward and a big sign for his or her window: WE SOLD THE WINNING JACKPOT TICKET HERE!
     You don't have to be a mathematician or rocket scientist to know that the odds of winning (175 million to l) are phenomenal and leave you with zilch. YOU CANNOT WIN. Say that l00 times before you shell out any of your hard earned money to win a lottery jackpot.
     So who wins the big jackpot? Some bloke who is filling up his tank with gas, walks into the store and buys a ticket at ten minutes to 8 before the lottery closes. His one lone ticket, generated by the machine, produces winning numbers programmed by the lottery commission. They can contol the fall of the balls and land on the numbers that this bloke received. That is the way the lottery works its magic. Any questions?
     Now for the next big sucker track. When the ad on your TV or computer screen offers a free sample of anything, plus only shipping and handling, from $4 to $8 dollars. And you punch in your credit card for the latter. No checks or money orders allowed. Why? Because once the company has your credit card they will deduct a monthly charge for additional supplies you don't want. That's all in the small print, designed for people with 20-20 vision and a magnifying glass.
     Similar pitches for your money via credit or debit cards will arrive on the phone. Consider this exchange when my telephone rang recently:

SHE: Mr. Abel, you have won three free dancing lessons at Arthur Murray's School for Dancing.
ME:  Oh my God. How did I get so lucky?
SHE: Well, we pick people at random and you seem to be an excellent prospect from the sound of your voice.
ME: I only have one leg....
SHE: Oh, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I just didn't know....
ME: How about pole dancing instead?
SHE: (DIAL TONE)

     Another time, I received a call from a telemarketer offering me very low rates for a subscription to TIME MAGAZINE. That conversation, recorded of course, went like this:

HE: Can I sign you up, sir?
ME: Certainly. Start my subscription immediately and send the first week's issue to me care of THE HOLIDAY INN in Columbus, OH; the next issue care of the Ramada Inn in Dayton, OH; the third issue care of Motel 6 in Toledo,OH......
HE: Wait a minute, wait a minute, why all these motels...
ME: Because I'm a traveling salesman and you'll have to follow me around the country.
HE: (DIAL TONE)

     There are other sucker traps, folks, too numerous to mention. Just keep your guard up and be clever. You'll feel better and have the last laugh.