Really? Truly? Cross your heart and hope to die? No kidding? Tell the truth! It's too good to be true. All right. I'll bite. I'll call the 800 number right now. Within two minutes of your TV pitch.
AGENT: Thank you for calling Super-Duper flashlight that glows in the dark. I notice you live in Connecticut and I have your address and phone number on my screen. Mr. Abel, you do qualify for the free shipping. If you order two flashlights, I will only charge you $29.95.. Yes or no?
ROBOT: Please say yes or no.
ME: No, no, no .
ROBOT: Is that a yes?
ME: NO! NO! NO!
ROBOT: I did not understand you. Can you answer in Spanish, French or German?
ME: NO! NO! NO!
AGENT: I'm sorry about transferring you to the Robot, but I had to use the bathroom. Now I can confirm your order for two Super-Duper flashlights that glow in the dark, in case you lose them, for only $29.95. Is that a yes?
ME: NO! NO! NO!
AGENT: Let me sweeten the deal Mr. Abel. I'll send you three Super Duper flashlights that glow in the dark for the fantastic price of only $39.95 postage paid. You will receive them within six weeks.
Is that fine with you?
ME: NO! NO! NO!
AGENT: What if we throw in an electric blanket for only an additional $5.95 that normally sells for $9.95 and we'll pay the postage on that item also. I have your debit card numbers from amazon.com and can punch you right in. What do you say to that incredible deal?
ME: NO! NO! NO!
ROBOT: I have your debit card entered and only need to know your expiration date. Please enter that now.
ME: NO! NO! NO!
ROBOT: I'm waiting for your answer. Don't mess with me. We have other customers. There are only 12 Super-Duper flashlights that glow in the dark. Now there are only 10 left. Only 7. They are going fast. Are you with me?
ME: CANCEL! CANCEL! CANCEL!
AGENT: Sorry again. Now where were we? Hello. Hello. Hello. Where are you? Oh shit. Another one of those!
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