The prestigious Pee (pun intended) Body Award has been a valuable tradition with the University of Georgia for many years. It is a yearly function by the University's Director of Communications to award trophies to The Most Outstanding Radio or TV Program, The Second Most Outstanding Program and The Third Most Outstanding Program. These Awards are presented at a very special banquet on campus for winners, attended by a hundred media executives.
Every year there are many thousands of entries, with sample tapes and appropriate fees before the deadline. Then comes the task of Professor X to choose the winners. His role is changed every four years and I protect his identity for this essay, especially since he was a bold faced cheater!
My former roommate in New York City was a graduate of the University of Georgia. Let's call him George (not his real name), because he is presently a highly respected antique dealer. During his four years in College, George assisted Professor X as an assistant, often conducting his classes. (Shhhh. The Statute of Limitations prevails in that and this revelation.)
One Friday, when George was planning an outing with friends, he received a frantic phone call from Professor X: "Hey, George old buddy, I'm in deep shit trouble. The Peabody Awards Banquet is only three weeks and I have one week to pick the winners from 4,486 entries. Please come over to my house immediately and bail me out."
Of course George rushed over on his bicycle and Professor X was waiting at the door, sweating profusely. He explained to George what he should do as he was also leaving Athens in an hour with his secret mistress for their weekend hideout in the woods: "Let's go downstairs to the basement where I have the entry tapes. Take a box full, I'll do the same and follow me upstairs."
At the top of the stairs, Professor X tossed the tapes from his box down the stairs, all 40 of them, and told George to do the same. He did. Then they both stepped on tapes, held on to the rail, and cautiously made their way to the bottom of the stairs amid a dozen boxed program tapes.
The Professor was now late for his departure and girlfriend X was honking her horn outside. He told George to pick out a few tapes at the bottom of the stairs, screen them, and then pick One, Two and Three in that order to win the Peabody Awards for the year!!!
That's what George did that year, and for three more until he graduated with honors, recommended by Professor X. Hmmmm. I think it's called a conspiracy, obstruction of justice and disingenuous. So why don't we just call it The Pee Body Awards henceforth?
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