THE WAITING GAME!

     Don't you hate to wait? If it's on the phone you're played a menu of possibilities, such as: "PRESS ONE IF YOU ARE A DOCTOR. PRESS TWO IF YOU WISH TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT. PRESS THREE IF YOU ARE AN IDIOT. PRESS FOUR TO EXIT. HAVE A NICE DAY. But it goes on and on for a dozen more possibles until you are ready to scream, cut your wrists and dial 911.
     Then there is the background music. It's right out of an elevator. Soft jazz, medium country or Taylor Swift. Music on a loop over and over in case you want to dance. Maybe file your nails or tear up junk mail received, especially from Publisher Clearing House or the National Rifle Association. If I don't get a human voice I just hand up. If I need Tech Support for my computer and it's "Mary" in the Philippines" I also hang up, pull all the plugs on the iMac, wait five minutes, reconnect and I've solved the problem.
     When I've been on hold when trying to reach someone in a government office, there is usually a recorded message stating the waiting time: "please wait for an agent who will be with you in three minutes."  Bull shit! It's more like thirty minutes. So I wait and wait. Finally a sad voiced employee says "hello" and thanks me for my service to the country. That's when I pretend to be a stutterer and take several minutes to state my name. Then all I hear is a dial tone.
     I never wait in line for anything. Time is much too precious. I carry a cane and have no trouble getting into the head of everybody waiting. For a taxi line I have a white jacket and stethoscope that give me top priority for the first cab. Obviously, a medical person cannot be delayed, rushing to save somebody's life. It works like a charm.
     We spend a third of our lives sleeping and probably another third waiting, waiting and waiting. It's time for all of us to shout, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any longer!" Thanks to a great writer, Paddy Whatshisname. Please look him up. I just can't waste anymore time with any trivial matter.
     I hope this column gives everyone some hope. Our grandson, Jalen, at the age of 3.5 years, heard me say "there is no hope." Now, when he visits, he takes my flashlight and goes around the house to different rooms, saying, "I'm going to look for hope."
     Thanks for reading.