The last time I tweeted on Twitter was several years ago when I laid down for a nap. Unlike Rip Van Winkle I don't plan to awaken for another year or two. Why? Because I just followed Bob, Miles and Manny. Actually I scrolled down their never ending weekend of boring activities and was almost ready to throw this computer out of my office window. Right through the glass! That's how disgusted I was to get trapped into follow these three lizards slithering through life with nothing to do. Yuck!
Let's get started. I'm going to bore you to death. It might be difficult because you might already be dead. How many characters do I have to use for a tweet? Is it 127? 137? I'm not sure. WTF. I don't pay attention to rules. Here goes. Start reading. If you can last through the whole Blog I'll send you a crushed banana that I purposely stepped on for the Grand Prize. Otherwise you get nothing!
I woke up this morning and yawned. Then I took off my blanket and guess what? I had a sheet under the blanket. I said sheet, not "shit." Actually I had to sit on the can and sent a nice cigar shaped turd into the Hudson River.
Here's another Tweet. I turned on the TV news. Two prisoners have escaped from the MAXIMUM ESCAPE PRISON IN DANAMORA, NEW YORK. That "joint" is only 20 miles from the Canadian border. Both guys are killers; so if they kill again it won't matter. How many life sentences without parole do you need to be incarcerated forever? Answer: only one.
The best part of this prison escape is the $100,000 for a "snitch" to call in and tell where they are. They have to be somewhere, don't they? And who can resist earning a hundred grand with only one phone call on an ipad? Very tempting. If I see those killers I'm calling the FBI, CIA, HSA and Anderson Cooper. He will be taking the Red Eye to where they are and collect the reward money.
Radio Station CHUM in Toronto broadcast an exclusive interview with the two killers (Called A and B to protect their families who are now in the Witness Protection Program for their safety).
A: We decided to break out a year ago when the food menu dropped to a new low.
B: Yeah. Baloney for breakfast, baloney for lunch and baloney for suppeer. That's a lot of baloney!
A: It wasn't only the cuisine. There were lumps in my mattress and rats living with me.
B. I thought you made good rat meat loaf for my birthday.
A. That was a special occasion, shithead. Don't expect any cake next year without a urine flavor.
B. Ummmm. I can taste it already. Will I get to lick your can?
A. Maybe. If you promise to suck my toes.
B. Certainly. Now let's plan to break out of jail and see if we can stay out for at least 72 hours.
A. Good idea. We'll separate and I'll meet you at McDonald's for dinner tomorrow night.
B. O.K. wear the Burka and pretend you have tits. Nobody will know you're one of the escapees.
A. I'm ready. It fits like I'm going to walk on the Red Carpet. I'll have a D Cup size.........
B. Oh shut up and get ready to drill. Here's a chain saw and a map of the tunnel we'll be crawling through for the outside world. Just keep drilling and don't make any noise.
A. I'll be careful. Especially with the silencer on my drill. Nice touch to our escape plan.
B. If we get caught. Be ready for Plan B...
A. I didn't get Plan B. What is it?
B. How should I know pisshead! You were supposed to leave it under my door...
A. You don't have a door. You're in the hole, asshole.
B. Be careful how you insult me pinhead. I might have to kill you.
A. Ha ha. GFY dummy. Let's end this and get to work on the tunnel.
I'm back to napping. Don't wake me if those two guys get caught. I'll read the whole story in the NEW YORK TIMES. Thanks for reading, folks. I'll do better next time.
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