How To Have A Great Summer Party!

     It was the summer of 1978. Lou Wolfson's horse Affirmed had won the Triple Crown (thanks to profits he had made from financing our satirical movie on sex, "Is There Sex After Death?" featuring Buck Henry  ("The Graduate"), Robert Downey, Sr. ("Putney Swope") and other known performers. My wife, Jeanne, and I lived in Westport,CT with daughter Jennifer, then six years old, and we had an antique Duluth, Winnepeg & Pacific Railroad Caboose in the back yard.
     We decided to have one grand party in our spacious back yard, headlining the caboose, and give all our guests a month's notice. We sent out thirty  invitations and kept fingers crossed for a nice summer day with no rain. Within a week, the phone began ringing. Those invited wanted to bring parents, children, relatives and even neighbors from New York, New Jersey and Connecticut.
     A week before the event we had 150 adult guests arriving with 30 kids to entertain. We obviously would require a production as follows:
1. A printed program along with a list of the guests, their ages, marital status, profession, hobbies and take home pay. Also address and phone.
2.  A string quartet to play on top of the caboose and an eight member jazz band to alternate 20 minute sets. The latter would be on the nearby basketball court.
3. A dancing horse and its rider from the Apple Circus who was a friend of ours.
4. A magician to entertain the children near one of three ponds.
5. 200 kazoos for everyone to play "Bridge on the River Kwai" (Colonel Bogey March) and parade down the street at the conclusion of the party that would last from 2 pm until 6 pm.
6. Three ceremonial trumpets would play a brief fanfare for each arrival. I would announce their presence over the bull horn, as one of our production staff handled the tray of food each person was asked to bring.
7. A local policeman would be hired to direct traffic and point out parking areas for cars.
8. Professor Richard Brown, from The New School, offered to film the day's event for his movie class.
     Everything worked out perfectly. The weather was beautiful, there was plenty of delicious food on the buffet tables, the music had people listening and dancing, only one three year old fell in the pond and was quickly rescued, there was every profession imaginable attending......from Al Goldstein, publisher of Screw Magazine, to Dick Wittingham, Editor-in-Chief of LIFE Magazine.
     So, folks, if you are going to throw a very special party to be remembered forever, follow our script as displayed. No charge for being a copycat.