Is David Letterman a Schmuck?

     Well, it all depends. I've been on an elevator with him and, although he knew me, Letterman refused to talk. In fact he just plain ignored me. That's a schmuck! I remember the time Buck Henry was with his close buddy, George Manos, and Buck met Michael Fuchs at a TV function. Fuchs, then the CEO of HBO,  refused to accept Manos' extended hand, ignored him, had a brief conversation with Buck and departed. Fuchs is also a schmuck!
     A few years ago, when I had two tickets to Letterman's TV show at the Ed Sullivan Theater, I sent two actor friends, Shel and Sara. Letterman's guest for the entire program was tennis pro Andre Agassi. Shel and Sara sat in the front row very close to the stage. He was a very talented guy who spoke Farsi, Greek and English of course. Sara would just oh and ah, because they were going to pretend to have sex!
     As David and Andre conversed, my amorous couple assumed the 69 position. She was on top of him in his seat groaning with pleasure. Suddenly, people in the audience were standing to watch in disbelief. Letterman got up, walked to the edge of the stage, shaded his eyes from the overhead lights and wondered what was happening. He couldn't quite make it out, but continued his conversation going back to his throne.
     Meantime, as the audience members whispered and talked about the action in the first row, ushers and security guards were in a huddle. Four of them rushed down to Shel and Sara. She had her dress up around her breasts and revealed pink panties. They were steaming and I mean steaming! The staff tried to grab Sara but she held on tight to her lover and they continued simulating intercourse. The theater was experiencing total mayhem.
     Shel spoke in Farsi: "please leave us alone. We're having sex." One of the ushers from Israel understood Farsi and replied, "sir, you must stop this immediately! You two are disrupting the show!"
As Sara became more aggressive in her movements, Shel spoke next in Greek: "I can't stop. I am about to have an orgasm!" None of the staff understood what he said. That didn't matter. Letterman was beginning to fumble with his questions to Agassi. The taping went to a commercial. And the audience cheered, laughed, applauded and stomped their feet. What a happening for them!
     More staff members appeared down front and physically carried both Shel and Sara up the aisle to the Exit Doors. Then the two lovers were deposited outside the theater on the sidewalk. I greeted them at my suite in the Milford-Plaza Hotel where dinner was waiting for the three of us. They were so hyped and excited over their successful prank they couldn't stop laughing. Tears flowed as I joined in this celebration of sorts.
     When the show aired that night there was some editing, but not much. Letterman still wore his white socks and pretended that nothing unusual had happened during his show. Hmmmm. I still think he is a schmuck.