Cyberspace and the Internet (thanks to Al Gore?) are mostly wonderful. In mini-seconds an ingoramus can cough up a million answers to any question imaginable. For example, "What are Andy Warhol's measurements? or "Name the brand of Cuban cigar that John F. Kennedy smoked."
Y'all know what I'm talking about! Quite frankly, we're all stupid when it comes to computers. That is, when they haven't crashed or freeze on a page.
Then there are the menu's we all have to endure. They have caused me to bite my nails and scratch my behind again. (Don't laugh. Nadel lost at Wimbledon to a lowly rated wannabe, whom I won't dignify by mentioning his name, and he was always scratching his butt between serves). The proliferation of options on a menu can drive any sane person to Prozac or other addictive drugs.
How about all those robots talking to you? Don't interrupt or you'll be chastised and disconnected; or worse, transferred to another menu! This endless destruction of our psyches has got to end somehow. Just blame your modem and keep going. You'll succeed eventually, with a liberal amount of profanity upstaging the music you have playing to soothe your indignation.
If you don't speak English, you certainly understand Spanish. The latter is an option on just about every menu on the computer. I grew up speaking English, along with typing that uses hyphens, dashes, quotation marks and paragrahs indented . My tenure in cyberspace is at peril. Big Brother is watching me and I expect to be tied up and tortured in the future. So be it.
If a robot suggests Spanish as an option, where are Dutch, German, French, Farsi, Italian and a dozen other languages? The Mensa Midgets who scanned the millions of pages and inserted them into computers laid a big egg by ignoring other languages. Shame on them!
Nevertheless, I am pleased to feel comfortable with my iMac for word processing (a/k/a typing) and to send Emails at no cost. My support of the US Post Office has been diminished 99$%. Boo-hoo. Let them keep raising the cost of stamps by half-a-cent for more confusion. Hardly anyone knows how to add or substract numbers anyhow. But I can!
So, on these sour notes I leave you for reading the NEW YORK TIMES. Not on Kindle, but in old-fashioned news print. I still can't give up turning those large pages and then putting them aside to wrap garbage for the big round can outside our garage door. What fun! And more rants later.
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