"Bad Birdie"

When I was subbing on drums at Radio City Music Hall during the late 50's, playing four shows a day, the orchestra members would hang out in the cafeteria downstairs back stage, along with the Rockettes, singers and ballet dancers. Concert Master Glenn was a buddy and he dated Marie, an attractive Rockette.

One afternoon, between shows on a Monday, Marie, Glenn and I shared a table. She was laughing so hard tears flowed. Why? Because over the weekend on Saturday Marie and eleven of her Rockette friends had been hired to entertain a wealthy recluse who lived in a Westchester mansion in Bronxville, New York. Here is what transpired.

A 12 passenger van picked up the ladies, drove to the mansion and they had lunch with the recluse, a man in his 40's, only five feet tall and a very large nose. He introduced himself as "Waldo," obviously a fake name, and made small talk about the weather, the Hudson River and his desire to lead a happy life. Hmmmmm. They all smelled a rat on the latter comment.

After the lunch, a delicious shrimp salad, the ladies were told to enter the large bedroom on the first floor where they would find their bird costumes. They would have 30 minutes to change, dress and do their makeup. Then they would all go into the basement family room and dance around Waldo, chirping as birds, singing "Ring Around the Posie."

They dressed in the costumes, put on their makeup (to look like birds), practice singing for a few minutes, and then take the elevator downstars for their performance. No talking or laughing. On cue, Waldo would end this scenario, they would change into their own clothes, each receive a hundred dollar bill and exit to the van for travel back to New York City. That all sounded simple enough.

When the Rockettes, pretending to be birds, entered the downstairs family room, they all gasped at first. Waldo was laying in an open coffin naked with an erection. They started to dance and sing around the casket as Waldo masturbated. Round and round they went for perhaps ten minutes until he ejaculated a stream of sperm that splattered most of them.

It was hilarious to all of them, also somewhat depressing that this rich jerk would subject Rockettes to such a depraved ritual. But they all performed as instructed, except Andrea. She just couldn't contain herself, laughing between chirping as a bird. After they returned to the dressing room and changed clothes, Waldo met them at the door, handing each a hundred dollar bill. When Andrea received hers, Waldo said loudly, "Bad birdie!"

So this was the true tale from Marie that convulsed her in the cafeteria, along with Glenn and I. Both he and I expressed some doubt at first, but she didn't have to make it up. It really happened that way. Would she do it again? "No way" Marie said. "Maybe for a thousand dollars," she added.