How About Death Insurance For Only $797.49 A Month?

     I was just going over my bank account and for the 2016 year I earned one cent interest. Found money! Think of it, one cent interest on my savings for the year! And if I needed a loan, the bank is charging only 3.5% interest. How can I ever get rich as Donald Trump promised?
     Notice I used the past tense. He's going down in the very near future. Probably indicted for numerous violations against our Constitution, not his. Just imagine His Royal Highness led away in chains, wearing an orange jump suit, with all those beautiful women crying their eyes out. In case you missed one of my mailings, here is one of the most potent:

     

                          HEIL TO THE CHEAT!

                        (January 20, 2017  Washington, DC)

      FANFARE BY EIGHT HERALD TRUMPETS, EACH PLAYING SOUR NOTES *         

                 DICTATOR DONALD TRUMP:

                       (Holding hand over First Lady’s crotch)

“I do solemnly swear to My Orifice that I will

discriminate and insult Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Christians, Africans, Latins and especially Mexicans,  as Dictator of the Divided States of America,  and will, to the best of my ability, persecute, fabricate and eventually destroy the former United States of America. So help me Allah, Moses, Jesus and God. Amen.”

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*Eight Herald Trumpet Players Engage In Hand-To-Hand Fighting, Using Their Long Horns As Weapons

© 2017 Irwin Leba    (212) 714-8298

You Have 30 Chances To Win Up To $3,000,000!

     Wait a minute. Whoa there.  STOP!  You actually have 30 chances to lose from the $30 scratch-off card. I've won $100 several times. But I've lost at least 30 times! Nothing. Zilch. Buchkis. Zero. They just take your money and laugh all the way to their bank. Yes, folks, that's what the grubby handed shysters do with our money. It's called STEALING.
     But under state law, closely monitored by eagle-eyed agents, it's called legal gambling. Every state has the right to screw the public with a lottery or a scratch-off card. Like 3-card monte, you can't win. You can only lose, 98% of the time. But there's always the dream of winning the jackpot. The odds are against it, 175,000,000 to one. You have a better chance being struck by lightning!
     Then there is the great sucker trap, "$5,000 a week for life" by PCH, Publishers Clearing House. You know that company by its malfeasance when discovered that all their entries had been taken to the garbage dump. Yes, all these poor people who bought something from the PCH catalog to enhance their chances of winning the big prize. And the winner was probably one of the company's employees who signed a non-disclosure agreement when paid $500 to keep his or her mouth shut.
     Remember, the future is now. We are surrounded by cyber optics. Drones are fighting our wars, cleaning our rooms and delivering packages from amazon.com   There are no more free lunches. Even the invitations for dinner by investment firms who want to manage your destiny have dried up. Good things never last forever.
     But then let's be practical and economical. The cost of a funeral in a plain casket runs from $7,500 to $25,000, depending on the flowers, the church service, refreshments catered afterwards and a burial plot of course.
     My instructions are brief and to the point: "Call a taxi, give him a shovel, pail of lime and a $100 for my trip to an empty field. There, he will dig a suitable hole, put me in covered with lime, say a few words of prayer and "goodby." That's it. No fuss, no sadness, no debt, nothing. Perhaps a small sign:  i HAD FUN.