Where Is Jeff Bezos Hiding?

     I've been trying to reach Jeff Bezos, CEO of Amazon.com, via snail mail. My third letter has also been returned to me, "RETURN TO SENDER. UNABLE TO DELIVER AS ADDRESSED AND UNABLE TO FORWARD."
     Now that is a rude way to react to a good customer for the past fifteen years. Why is he hiding from the Post Office? His address is clearly published on the Internet, the marketplace where Jeffy makes his millions every month. Yes, I mean every month, not year. Maybe that's why he is hiding.
     This is all very perplexing to me. Not even Dan, my postal executive with the Post Office can tell me anything. He is happy to just sell me stamps, now three of those little buggers for 49 cents each. At least they are FOREVER; i.e. I don't have to worry about not having enough postage for First Class mailings, even ten years down the road.
     Perhaps Jeff Bezos has this faux address (1200  12th Avenue, Seattle, WA 98144) to discourage fans seeking autographs or other favors. Women would obviously be offering "special services" for books, if he accepted their letters. And potential kidnappers will definitely have a tough time capturing their victim.
     If anyone has a clue how I can find Jiff Bezos, I would appreciate knowing. I can offer as a reward, an autographed copy of my last book (and it was). Just don't play games with me. And don't even think of hoaxing me. I have perceptive powers, better than a lazer beam, that can zero in on you, in retaliation of course, and tickle your butt uncontrollably for hours.
     Several years ago, Mark Zuckerberg was on "60 Minutes") and he said openly, before at least fifteen million viewers, that he walked to work from his home to his office. WOW! No security guards, friends, relatives or police escort for him. No, he does it alone, thumbing his nose at all the dysfunctional people jerking off and planning an illegal crime. Such as kidnapping.
     I have correspondence with people in very high places: Frank Sinatra, Princess Grace, Walter Winchell, Ed Sullivan, Jack Paar, Mario Lanza, Roger Ailes, Richard Nixon (I was even invited to the White House) and many others. They all have one thing in common. They are all dead.
     Obviously, I can hide behind the Fifth Amendment if accused of anything. Maybe not murder. Hmmmmm. Never mind that last comment. Just contact me on FACEBOOK if you find Jeff Bezos or maybe Waldo. You get the reward for him too. Plus I'll keep all the royalties, thank you.