Call your doctor immediately!

     I think we all hate the overuse of ads with disclaimers, on both radio, TV and computer screens, that shout, "CALL YOUR DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY!' Followed by the following reasons and my solutions:
1. You have an erection more than four hours.    (Call three more women to come over)
2. You feel faint when standing up.  (Sit down, stupid)
3. Your nose begins to bleed. (Pinch the bridge of your nose, lean forward and wait. It will stop.)
4. Don't operate any heavy machinery. (Well, what do I tell my kids we can't ride my forklift?)
5. You feel like throwing up. (Just shut up and do it.)
6. Your temperature is sky high. (Take an aspirin and lay down with a cold rag on your forehead)
7. You have a bad case of diarrhea. (Get your ass to the bathroom and sit on the toilet)
8. You have a splitting headache and your stomach is about to explode. (Call 911)
9. Your feet are freezing and you are shaking violently. (Sit in a hot tub of water and pray)
10. You feel like a leper, taking pill after pill, and are 89 years old. (It's time to go. Say goodby and die)
     There are so many other sordid side effects from taking these drugs with fancy names that only a doctor or RN can interpret. Don't even try to understand  the terrible side effects, so that you might become paralyzed, blind or die. That's the name of the game for drug companies to profit millions and billions of dollars.
     Dr. Charles A. Crown is a retired internist from New Canaan,CT who has a marvelous avocation playing ragtime jazz piano. I played drums and we often entertained the residents of The Waveny Center for Altheimer patents in that community. He had treated many of these senior citizens and they always greeted him with a friendly hug of appreciation.
     I once asked Dr. Crown what his attitude was when a patient died. He responded quietly, "Well, it's a sad occasion of course. But then he or she will never have chills, pills, bills or other ills. They are at peace with a former painful life." Hmmmmmm. It's nice to know that, isn't it?
     Finally, don't even think about calling your doctor in an emergency situation. You'll only get a recorded message with a menu of options: "Press one if you are a physician, press two if you need a prescription filled, press three if you are a drug salesman, press four if you wish to make an appointment, press five if you want to leave a message and press six to speak with the receptionist. Otherwise, have a nice day and try not to bother us again. We're terribly busy placing patients in our twelve cubicles. Waiting time for a doctor is generally twenty minutes. Much more if he or she is late returning from the golf course."

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!

     The computer is a wonderful instrument, particularly emails and word processing. Also research, although in the latter instance I don't want two million answers in two seconds or less. It's OVERKILL. But I compromise and in the words of New Jersey Governor Christi, I'll "sit down and shut up!"
     But here is my beef. It's all the hungry advertisers who are endulging in preditorial and dishonest tactics to advertise "we've got what it takes to take what you've got." Most recent example was a drop down ad telling me I could get a FREE CREDIT SCORE from each of the three major credit bureaus. I supplied my name and address. Then they said there would be a $1 refundable service fee. Wait. I smell a rat. A big rat. Sure enough, I would need a credit card for the dollar and then, if I didn't cancel within seven days they would bill me monthly for $29.95. I said goodby to the scammers.
     That was one isolated example of hundreds, probably thousands, of the other sleazy companies who employ the same sucker trap gimmick. DO NOT FALL FOR IT! There are no free lunches anymore. There used to be some lavish dinners given by investment firms and they practically locked the doors in the fancy restaurant until we free loaders signed up to have a meeting with one of their well dressed sharks.
     But those characters soon realized they were spending more than they were receiving, so they gave up on giving free dinners. Now, they just email people from their purchased lists of retired folks with big assets. From what I noticed at the last dinner I attended, about ten years ago, all the free loaders had big asses. You know, like those heavyweights who eat at the Buffet Restaurants. You can pig out all you want and waddle out with 5,000 calories in your bum. No thanks!
     But getting back to the "free" sucker traps. We're surrounded by them. They drop down, pop up and follow you with the stored information they acquired. Probably from Ed Snowden, may he rest in Russia, or wherever. Uncle Sam is waiting to put him in handcuffs, go on trial and make a bad poster boy photo for all the world to see. Meantime, the damage has been done. Our private lives are quite public.
     Another stink hole (pun intended) is when you're being followed after a purchase on amazon.com, such as a book or DVD. Immediately you are given a list of other books and DVDs you might like to buy. If you try to leave the page, a stern notice will advise you that you might lose all your desktop material and/or receive a virus from the Internet waiting in the bushes. Oh come on. didn't we all learn how to read and write in school? Why do we have to receive all that visual and audio bullshit.
Maybe Ed Snowden wasn't such a bad guy after all for his mission to blow the whistle.
     Finally, I'll sign off for this Blog. Stay turned for more enlightened content down the road. And thanks for reading me, mostly between the lines!