I'm complaining about all those drop down computer ads that darken your screen and dare you to delete the page. If you do, the advertising culperts have your "cookies." Not the ones in the toilet. On second thought maybe they do. Because you suddenly hear: "I know you like sports. Have you read this book about the great Babe Ruth?" Then you see a photo of the book and a notice: ADD TO YOUR CART. And, against your better judgment, you are suddenly spirited to amazon.com for the purchase of a book you didn't want.
This sort of selling is the bane of the Internet. I hate it and so do you. Here are some ideas for ridding your home and sanity of these greedy invaders.
1. Call the phone number listed and poke zero for a living person. When he or she answers, just say: "Sprecken Ze Deutch? (sp) Nine times out of ten the person on the other end will simply say: "You're off the list" and hang up on you. I have had this happen many times. BTW I've also used this German trick with panhandlers who run after you on the street and beg for money. Only once did a panhandler reply in fluent German. I gave him a dollar.
2. Send an email back requesting that the company advertise in French, Italian and Hebrew
3. Delete the message as SPAM
4. Locate the company headquarters and email the CEO that you will be paying him a visit soon and to look for your RV in their parking lot
5. Write a letter to the Chief of Police in the city where company is located and request the guide lines for a peaceful picketing of their home office with 20 vets from Vietnam
Any or all of these suggestions will cause alarm with the CEO and Board of Directors; now you are in the driver's seat and can control your destiny, not theirs! So, damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!
Wednesday, December 20, 2017
Tuesday, December 19, 2017
ATTENTION ALL MORTALS: HOW TO SAVE YOUR LIVES!
The recent train crash in the State of Washington killed and wounded people. One witness said it was like a war zone as people were crushed by flying steel, or slammed through the window glass or tossed into the seats in front of theirs. A sad and painful situation to witness on the news.
So, will accidents like this happen again? Of course they will and there will be more innocents killed and/or wounded. Bui there is a simple, common sense, way to cut the casualty numbers dramatically. I'll bet you don't have a clue. Let me educate you and management with an idea or two.
First, take school buses for example. Why in hell don't they all have mandatory SEAT BELTS! Because parents have their heads in the sand or someone's behind. I watch the huge school buses filled with several hundred students, all chatting, throwing paper wads or making faces out the windows. They are totally unaware that an 18 wheeler could end their lives forever.
Second, passenger trains. Where are the seatbelts? The AMTRAK accidents have killed or maimed thousands over the years. All commuter and long distance trains should be mandated by the Department of Transportation to install seatbelts or face heavy fines. Ditto for schoolbuses!
Third, high rise buildings must provide all inhabitants with CANOPY PARACHUTES who work above the 30th floor. They will also have a window in each office that can be swung outward, or smashed open with a chair. The box of CANOPY PARACHUTES nearby will save lives. Think 9/11 in New York City. All those people died with no opportunity to live. A sad commentary indeed.
That's it for today.
So, will accidents like this happen again? Of course they will and there will be more innocents killed and/or wounded. Bui there is a simple, common sense, way to cut the casualty numbers dramatically. I'll bet you don't have a clue. Let me educate you and management with an idea or two.
First, take school buses for example. Why in hell don't they all have mandatory SEAT BELTS! Because parents have their heads in the sand or someone's behind. I watch the huge school buses filled with several hundred students, all chatting, throwing paper wads or making faces out the windows. They are totally unaware that an 18 wheeler could end their lives forever.
Second, passenger trains. Where are the seatbelts? The AMTRAK accidents have killed or maimed thousands over the years. All commuter and long distance trains should be mandated by the Department of Transportation to install seatbelts or face heavy fines. Ditto for schoolbuses!
Third, high rise buildings must provide all inhabitants with CANOPY PARACHUTES who work above the 30th floor. They will also have a window in each office that can be swung outward, or smashed open with a chair. The box of CANOPY PARACHUTES nearby will save lives. Think 9/11 in New York City. All those people died with no opportunity to live. A sad commentary indeed.
That's it for today.
Tuesday, December 12, 2017
The Downfall of 1,200 Gilette Employees in Boston
I have been shaving with lather for the past 80 years. When I tried to find a can of Colgate Shaving Cream at Wal-mart the other day, three things happened: 1. I was nearly run over by a huge lady with her shopping cart piled high; 2. The clerk stocking merchandise had no idea what I was talking about. She didn't speak English! 3. When I finally located the Men's Toilet Articles shelves, there was no lather, only cans of Gillette Edge.
So I grabbed one of those to avoid being trampled by that large woman with a huge cookie cutter and far too many toys in her shopping cart. Then I checked out to avoid any further confrontations.
But where was my car? The parking lot was fam packed (remember it was Black Friday) and I was eiher in Aisle A, B, C, D. E. F. G. H, I, J,. K, L, M or N.
You don't want to hear how I found my car. All right, I climbed aboard a 4 X 4 pickup truck and, using my trusty binoculars, spotted my Volvo in Aisle D. Next time I'l tie a string around my finger. Because I have the world on a string. Oh what a great song title, Harold Arlen!
So here is my beef that is bound to eventually put Gillette out of business. My can of Edge Fusion contains a blue foam, looking and feeling like tooth paste, and when I pressed the top of the can, the bluish foam spurted me in the navel. I was holding and pressing the wrong end. Don't laugh. You could do the same.
When I finally squirted the blue ointment in one palm and rubbed it to the other palm, there was a little pile of cold blue foam in each hand. I rubbed my bearded cheeks and shaved. It was a painful task. Not only was my Gilette razor dull from use, the shaving foam was freezing my face. But I endured the pain, removed most of the face hair and applied a hot wash rag, along with a non-alcoholic after shave lotion.
Finally, my advise to Gillette is to change their product's name to EDGE CONFUSION. Then develop a simple push button, with an arrow pointing to the correct opening. My belly button is still itchy from the cold application.
Among the 1,200 folks recently going to work for Gillette, there must be a few with common sense and gender beards that often itch. Especially when they kiss their wife or mate. Mine complained when I could not remove all my beard in one shaving session. It took two sessions and I had to eat a cold dinner.
One last thought. I was expecting a new style wonderful razor from Gillette in the mail, twelve years ago. They promised to send one and never did. I'll continue waiting. But forget the Edge.
So I grabbed one of those to avoid being trampled by that large woman with a huge cookie cutter and far too many toys in her shopping cart. Then I checked out to avoid any further confrontations.
But where was my car? The parking lot was fam packed (remember it was Black Friday) and I was eiher in Aisle A, B, C, D. E. F. G. H, I, J,. K, L, M or N.
You don't want to hear how I found my car. All right, I climbed aboard a 4 X 4 pickup truck and, using my trusty binoculars, spotted my Volvo in Aisle D. Next time I'l tie a string around my finger. Because I have the world on a string. Oh what a great song title, Harold Arlen!
So here is my beef that is bound to eventually put Gillette out of business. My can of Edge Fusion contains a blue foam, looking and feeling like tooth paste, and when I pressed the top of the can, the bluish foam spurted me in the navel. I was holding and pressing the wrong end. Don't laugh. You could do the same.
When I finally squirted the blue ointment in one palm and rubbed it to the other palm, there was a little pile of cold blue foam in each hand. I rubbed my bearded cheeks and shaved. It was a painful task. Not only was my Gilette razor dull from use, the shaving foam was freezing my face. But I endured the pain, removed most of the face hair and applied a hot wash rag, along with a non-alcoholic after shave lotion.
Finally, my advise to Gillette is to change their product's name to EDGE CONFUSION. Then develop a simple push button, with an arrow pointing to the correct opening. My belly button is still itchy from the cold application.
Among the 1,200 folks recently going to work for Gillette, there must be a few with common sense and gender beards that often itch. Especially when they kiss their wife or mate. Mine complained when I could not remove all my beard in one shaving session. It took two sessions and I had to eat a cold dinner.
One last thought. I was expecting a new style wonderful razor from Gillette in the mail, twelve years ago. They promised to send one and never did. I'll continue waiting. But forget the Edge.
Thursday, December 7, 2017
Why Is Alex Trebek Disingenuous?
Alex Trebek is disingenuous when he serves as spokesman for Colonial Penn Insurance commercials. This erudite, impeccable man is telling a BIG LIE when he spouts gleefully how anybody can get insured WITH NO MEDICAL EXAM, NO CREDIT REPORT, NO INCOME, NOTHING, NOT EVEN YOUJR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!!!
It all sounds too good to be true, Alex. Why? Because it isn't true if you are over 85 years of age. Colonial Penn does their homework and won't insure Senior Citizens who are too old. Why? Because they will soon die and Colonial Penn will have to pay a nice sum to the beneficiary. So, it's good business sense to deny potential lepers insurance.
But it's not good for Alex to be the carrier of a disease called lying. Especially when he is so sharp on JEOPARDY, not only with his pronunciations in French, Spanish, German, Greek or Farsi, but also his knowledge behind some of the answers and his often amusing interviews with the three contestants. So, for shame, Alex. Cancel your commercials with Colonial Penn. You certainly don't need the extra money!
Should Alex ignore my suggestion, let me suggest some ad copy he might wish to include:
"Oh by the way folks, (SCRATCH ASS), I'm just like any other hick out there who watches TV and falls asleep. I do that every night after a very long day with JEOPARDY. I have to be prepared by reading all the questions and answers. Sometimes we'll tape three or four shows in one day. That's a lot of malarky, believe me. I also have a lot of bills to pay. So it's gratifying for me to have a life insurance policy with Colonial Penn. I prefer to call it Death Insurance. (LAUGHS). Because somebody gets the money when you die. (HOLDS FINGERS TO LIPS) How about letting me be your beneficiary? I would appreciate that sort of gift. Especially in the weeks before Christmas. Thanks loads. See you on JEOPARDY. Au revoir!
(MUSIC UP AND OUT)
It all sounds too good to be true, Alex. Why? Because it isn't true if you are over 85 years of age. Colonial Penn does their homework and won't insure Senior Citizens who are too old. Why? Because they will soon die and Colonial Penn will have to pay a nice sum to the beneficiary. So, it's good business sense to deny potential lepers insurance.
But it's not good for Alex to be the carrier of a disease called lying. Especially when he is so sharp on JEOPARDY, not only with his pronunciations in French, Spanish, German, Greek or Farsi, but also his knowledge behind some of the answers and his often amusing interviews with the three contestants. So, for shame, Alex. Cancel your commercials with Colonial Penn. You certainly don't need the extra money!
Should Alex ignore my suggestion, let me suggest some ad copy he might wish to include:
"Oh by the way folks, (SCRATCH ASS), I'm just like any other hick out there who watches TV and falls asleep. I do that every night after a very long day with JEOPARDY. I have to be prepared by reading all the questions and answers. Sometimes we'll tape three or four shows in one day. That's a lot of malarky, believe me. I also have a lot of bills to pay. So it's gratifying for me to have a life insurance policy with Colonial Penn. I prefer to call it Death Insurance. (LAUGHS). Because somebody gets the money when you die. (HOLDS FINGERS TO LIPS) How about letting me be your beneficiary? I would appreciate that sort of gift. Especially in the weeks before Christmas. Thanks loads. See you on JEOPARDY. Au revoir!
(MUSIC UP AND OUT)
How To Deal With Grabbers, Groppers and Goosers
The recent spate of accusers, mostly women, has rocked the world. Poor perverts being targeted are amused; no money, no payment. Rich onces call their lawyers and settle for big bucks, that also includes a non-disclosure agreement. I. E. spill the beans and live with empty pockets.
Fortunately, E.J. Farnsworth, an inventor, has a Patent Pending for a "Douche Bag" that allows a hot male with too much testosterone, and a hard on, to obtain both pleasure and relief without getting arrested when performing in public, unable to keep his pecker in his pants.
Briefly, the Douche Bag" is worn like a jock strap and is made of leather. (I can already hear the HELLS ANGELS celebrating!). When the mark spots a beautiful woman and experiences an immediate erection, that's all right. The ten-year miniature battery aciivates, a small sponge squeezes his testicles and forces an ejaculation inside the clothe cup feature of his Douche Bag. Mission accomplished!
The sperm, or come as it's called, remains inside the bag and can be emptied in private. No offense to anyone and certainly no allegations. Perish the thought! The male species is alive and kicking ass, if you'll pardon the expression, albeit there are lots of good looking cookie cutters out there, especially visible in summer.
Members of Congress, both Houses and Senate, are considering Douche Bags for all male members as Christmas presents. Also, introducing a bill that would require them in all USA states to be worn along with seatbelts. What a wonderful gift, along with their Insider Trading pass, and other perks.
Obviously, the late Senator Al Frankin (he was late to deliver his Mea Culpa resignation speech on national television), could have saved his job by wearing a Douche Bag, keeping his pecker in his pants, his tongue in his mouth and his hands in his pockets. But it was too late to lock the barn door; the horse had been stolen. No pun intended.
Meantime, the President was watching Al on TV, having his joint stroked, eating rich chocolate fudge cake with one hand, and tweeting with the other: TOO BAD AL. IF YOU WERE GOP I COULD HAVE SAVED YOU. NOT NOW. PLEASE PRAY FOR JUDGE MOORE TO BEAT THAT SOB. PS JARED NEEDS A NEW CHAUFFEUR. YOU KNOW WASHINGTON STREETS. INTERESTED?
BTW, DOUCHE BAGS will come in sizes small, medium, large, extra large and huge like a horse.
I'm not telling which size I'm ordering. I just hope that Farnsworth wins a Nobel Piece Prize. Pun intended.
Fortunately, E.J. Farnsworth, an inventor, has a Patent Pending for a "Douche Bag" that allows a hot male with too much testosterone, and a hard on, to obtain both pleasure and relief without getting arrested when performing in public, unable to keep his pecker in his pants.
Briefly, the Douche Bag" is worn like a jock strap and is made of leather. (I can already hear the HELLS ANGELS celebrating!). When the mark spots a beautiful woman and experiences an immediate erection, that's all right. The ten-year miniature battery aciivates, a small sponge squeezes his testicles and forces an ejaculation inside the clothe cup feature of his Douche Bag. Mission accomplished!
The sperm, or come as it's called, remains inside the bag and can be emptied in private. No offense to anyone and certainly no allegations. Perish the thought! The male species is alive and kicking ass, if you'll pardon the expression, albeit there are lots of good looking cookie cutters out there, especially visible in summer.
Members of Congress, both Houses and Senate, are considering Douche Bags for all male members as Christmas presents. Also, introducing a bill that would require them in all USA states to be worn along with seatbelts. What a wonderful gift, along with their Insider Trading pass, and other perks.
Obviously, the late Senator Al Frankin (he was late to deliver his Mea Culpa resignation speech on national television), could have saved his job by wearing a Douche Bag, keeping his pecker in his pants, his tongue in his mouth and his hands in his pockets. But it was too late to lock the barn door; the horse had been stolen. No pun intended.
Meantime, the President was watching Al on TV, having his joint stroked, eating rich chocolate fudge cake with one hand, and tweeting with the other: TOO BAD AL. IF YOU WERE GOP I COULD HAVE SAVED YOU. NOT NOW. PLEASE PRAY FOR JUDGE MOORE TO BEAT THAT SOB. PS JARED NEEDS A NEW CHAUFFEUR. YOU KNOW WASHINGTON STREETS. INTERESTED?
BTW, DOUCHE BAGS will come in sizes small, medium, large, extra large and huge like a horse.
I'm not telling which size I'm ordering. I just hope that Farnsworth wins a Nobel Piece Prize. Pun intended.
Tuesday, November 21, 2017
Why Does The Salem Web Network Plagiarize?
Located in downtown Richmond, VA this little known, and even less cared about, radio/podcast network blatantly broadcast a copyrighted documentary without permission or payment. Such thievery might be condoned in Iran, Yemen or Syria; but certainly not in the good old USA where citizens are free to be stupid, vapid or crooked!
The property in question, "Abel Raises Cain," won Best Documentary prizes at Slamdance and a dozen other prestigious film festivals in 2005-6. It was broadcast on the BBC-TV's coveted Channel 4 in 2007. All these venues obtained permission and paid a licensing fee. Salem Web Network did neither.
Imagine pulling up to an ATM machine outside a bank in your 4 X 4 and stealing $5,000 cash? I believe that is called highway robbery and the thief would be serving jail time, along with incarceration until returning the money, and substantial probation wearing an anklet bracelet.
One of the Salem Network's executives lives in Oxford,Mississippi and he recently wrote an impassioned plea on Facebook, addressed to Jimmy Kimmel, pleading for him to stop pontificating and return to comedy.
That is like inviting the fox to sleep in the hen house. Kimmel himself, along with his midget sidekick, committed an outrageous act of plagiarism when they appeared before "SHARKS" to seek funds for their new business: "SELLING HORSE PANTS TO CLOTHE NAKED HORSES"
The upper case letters are there because that faux campaign was copyrighted in "The Great American Hoax," published by Trident Press in 1965 and sold a year later to Paramount Pictures for a major motion picture to be produced by Martin Ritt ("Hud"), directed by Carl Reiner and starring Jack Lemmon.
Salem Web Network is to be sued in Federal Court for its copyright violation. The plaintiffs will be a group of producers who have all been victims of this heinous criminal activity, thus under the RICO statute. That will result in felony charges leading to jail time. Then a subsequent civil suit will claim damages and punitive fees totaling $6,000,000.
A team of volunteer lawyers, including a former Watergate Prosecutor, are waiting in the wings until all the flap over Cosby, Weinstein, Rose and Trump dies down. Probably the early part of 2018.
So stay tuned. There is more news to come and it's not fake.
The property in question, "Abel Raises Cain," won Best Documentary prizes at Slamdance and a dozen other prestigious film festivals in 2005-6. It was broadcast on the BBC-TV's coveted Channel 4 in 2007. All these venues obtained permission and paid a licensing fee. Salem Web Network did neither.
Imagine pulling up to an ATM machine outside a bank in your 4 X 4 and stealing $5,000 cash? I believe that is called highway robbery and the thief would be serving jail time, along with incarceration until returning the money, and substantial probation wearing an anklet bracelet.
One of the Salem Network's executives lives in Oxford,Mississippi and he recently wrote an impassioned plea on Facebook, addressed to Jimmy Kimmel, pleading for him to stop pontificating and return to comedy.
That is like inviting the fox to sleep in the hen house. Kimmel himself, along with his midget sidekick, committed an outrageous act of plagiarism when they appeared before "SHARKS" to seek funds for their new business: "SELLING HORSE PANTS TO CLOTHE NAKED HORSES"
The upper case letters are there because that faux campaign was copyrighted in "The Great American Hoax," published by Trident Press in 1965 and sold a year later to Paramount Pictures for a major motion picture to be produced by Martin Ritt ("Hud"), directed by Carl Reiner and starring Jack Lemmon.
Salem Web Network is to be sued in Federal Court for its copyright violation. The plaintiffs will be a group of producers who have all been victims of this heinous criminal activity, thus under the RICO statute. That will result in felony charges leading to jail time. Then a subsequent civil suit will claim damages and punitive fees totaling $6,000,000.
A team of volunteer lawyers, including a former Watergate Prosecutor, are waiting in the wings until all the flap over Cosby, Weinstein, Rose and Trump dies down. Probably the early part of 2018.
So stay tuned. There is more news to come and it's not fake.
Why You Can't Win PCH Miillions or the Connecticut Lottery
First of all,
Publishers Clearing House wants you to buy something, anything from the pile of
trashy ads enclosed in your “winning” entry form. If you follow the
instructions and paste up all the little ads designated to be pasted in certain
squares (something any 3rd grader could do), then you feel confident
you might win the millions for the rest of your life.
The odds against the
big win are phenomenal. You are more likely to be struck by lightning while
standing under a tree in the rain. Or hit by a falling star from the sky. Or
crushed by a steam shovel at a construction site. YOU CANNOT WIN THE JACKPOT!
PCH was indicted some
years ago for dumping all its entries in the garbage. They managed to redeem
this “error” by promising not to do it again. Ha ha ha. Try telling President
Trumpty Dumpty not to tell anymore lies. Go ahead. I dare you. This psychopath
just can’t help himself; he manifests lies faster than a humming bird flies.
Which rhymes with lies.
The Connecticut
Lottery sells a scratch-off card for $30 that says it is giving you 30 chances
to win. Wait a minute. How about 30 chances to lose? I’ve purchased one card a
month for the past year and once won $30. Only once. Big deal. I got my money
back to buy another card and lose again. But I had 30 chances to lose, not win.
So, shame on the PCH
Lottery and the CT Lottery for their disingenuous advertising. It barely stays on the line of good faith,
sneaking over to the one that spells FRAUD!
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