I've been getting a number of "pitches" from Dr. Nelson and the Health Institute Sciences. They all start out with a command to "turn on your computer sound." Then begins the rant to save my life, especially if I'm older than 55 years of age. And if I don't prevail for the next ten or fifteen minutes of legal garble, along with rapid fire line drawings and the uttered words printed on my computer screen, I could suddenly die without saying goodbye to my loved ones.
Here's a sample of the verbal garbage: "I can tell you now there are four foods you should never ever eat again! (photo of a hamburger) and I will name them. But first I want to insist you hear me out in full. Don't delete this life-saving message that will allow you to throw away those pills, stop eating killer food and begin a new life all over again. Are you listening to me and reading what I am saying as well? I hope so. Sit back and relax. Forget the greedy drug companies. They only want your money and you could die as well. Or become so infirmed that you are on your back in a retirement home. Your house is sold to pay the bills as you suffer in that home, filled with lepers and sick octogenarians destined to die. But there is hope with my message and the information that can jump start your life so you can laugh, smile, run and eat healthy food to sustain your living to 100 years or more! Take your hand off that DELETE key. Listen to me. If you can't hear read my words on the screen. It's O.K. for you to record what I am about to tell you. Use your cell phone recording device. Or have a nurse do it for you. But do it now! Let's not fool around anymore with your life. It's too precious! I can save you like nobody else can. We'll get to the bad foods, questionable drugs and other killer ideas that you have been sick over. Let it be over. Listen to me. Read my lips! I hope you are ready to change your life once and forever. I have answers and solutions for you. But before I go on there are a few subjects I want to discuss and this might take a half-hour. Do you want me to continue? Of course you do. And I will reveal my secrets soon, but first................."
I won't bore you any longer, loyal followers. Just hit that DELETE icon and go on with your own life, whether it be miserable or wonderful!
Sunday, December 27, 2015
Tuesday, December 15, 2015
Merry Christmas 2015., Maybe.
It was the week before Christmas several years ago. I remember it well because I had completed my shopping and was about to cross 42nd Street into Grand Central Station. Then I noticed the elderly man ahead was trudging across in Jim Conway fashion, i.e. like a 101 year old man. It was snowing and the street surface was all ice. He was beginning to slip and slide when an impatient taxi driver blasted his horn and began nudging the old guy who had two loaded shopping bags, one in each hand. He slipped down, bags and all, with wrapped presents spilled around.
Other pedestrians stood on my side of the street, some shouting encouragement, while the taxi mashed a few presents and the driver kept honking and shouting obscentities out his open window. I could see that this outrageous taxi driver had long dirty blonde hair and clutched a cigar in his dirty mouth (in both senses of the word).
The pitiful old guy was attempting to salvage his gifts strewn around and was on his hands and knees in the ice and snow. Several male passengers anxious to make their train schedule shouted to help him, but he waved them away. All this time the taxi driver continued his harrassment, while a worried passenger in the back seat decided to get out and run. He did without paying the fare.
Now the irate driver, his cab only inches from the old man, with traffic backed up and honking galore....it was rush home time....was pushing the man with his foot and still screaming epithets. Talk about a deranged guy, that driver took the cake!
Several dozen of us were now watching this sad saga and two well constructed men talked about going over and punching the taxi driver for his outrageous behavior. If I were 20 years younger I would have joined them. Then, suddenly, the man on the ice got up, flashed wallet and revealed a gold New York Police Department shield. He was a retired detective, armed (yes, he had a revolver at the ready) and he placed the taxi driver under arrest.
Simultaneously, two police cars came to a stop, the officers had their guns out and they took the taxi driver away. Those of us on the sidewalk broke into cheers and applause. The driver had dropped his cigar and had a catatonic expression on his face. He might lose his license and even go to jail (it's against the law in New York State to assault a senior citizen).
A good samaratin helped the detective gather his packages, one of the police officers drove the taxi to the side of the street and traffic flowed by again. We all went our separate ways, knowing that the long hand of the law can often arrive in the Saint Nick of the time!
Other pedestrians stood on my side of the street, some shouting encouragement, while the taxi mashed a few presents and the driver kept honking and shouting obscentities out his open window. I could see that this outrageous taxi driver had long dirty blonde hair and clutched a cigar in his dirty mouth (in both senses of the word).
The pitiful old guy was attempting to salvage his gifts strewn around and was on his hands and knees in the ice and snow. Several male passengers anxious to make their train schedule shouted to help him, but he waved them away. All this time the taxi driver continued his harrassment, while a worried passenger in the back seat decided to get out and run. He did without paying the fare.
Now the irate driver, his cab only inches from the old man, with traffic backed up and honking galore....it was rush home time....was pushing the man with his foot and still screaming epithets. Talk about a deranged guy, that driver took the cake!
Several dozen of us were now watching this sad saga and two well constructed men talked about going over and punching the taxi driver for his outrageous behavior. If I were 20 years younger I would have joined them. Then, suddenly, the man on the ice got up, flashed wallet and revealed a gold New York Police Department shield. He was a retired detective, armed (yes, he had a revolver at the ready) and he placed the taxi driver under arrest.
Simultaneously, two police cars came to a stop, the officers had their guns out and they took the taxi driver away. Those of us on the sidewalk broke into cheers and applause. The driver had dropped his cigar and had a catatonic expression on his face. He might lose his license and even go to jail (it's against the law in New York State to assault a senior citizen).
A good samaratin helped the detective gather his packages, one of the police officers drove the taxi to the side of the street and traffic flowed by again. We all went our separate ways, knowing that the long hand of the law can often arrive in the Saint Nick of the time!
Sunday, August 16, 2015
Let's Apply For A Quicken Loan or Reverse Mortgage
I called the toll free number and it was answered by a sour sounding telemarketer working in a boiler room environment. There were a dozen voices chatting away in the background and the man representing Quicken sounded like he had flunked the training course to work for this company.
The Quicken salesman was really low class. I tried to beg off but he hung on with constant banal chatter. I hung up. He called me right back. I asked for the free DVD, plus two of the free miniature magnifying glasses offered on ads. I was assured these materials would arrive soon.
Three months later I still haven't received the DVD's or magnifying glasses. During that time I did receive a few phone calls from the same salesman. One call came at 8 am while sleeping; another at dinner time and again the following early morning. Too much gibberish to understand!
But one thing certain; I do not intend to do any business whatsoever with Quicken Loans. They will survive without me!
The Quicken salesman was really low class. I tried to beg off but he hung on with constant banal chatter. I hung up. He called me right back. I asked for the free DVD, plus two of the free miniature magnifying glasses offered on ads. I was assured these materials would arrive soon.
Three months later I still haven't received the DVD's or magnifying glasses. During that time I did receive a few phone calls from the same salesman. One call came at 8 am while sleeping; another at dinner time and again the following early morning. Too much gibberish to understand!
But one thing certain; I do not intend to do any business whatsoever with Quicken Loans. They will survive without me!
How About A Met-Life Death Insurance Policy?
According to the television ads by MET-LIFE anyone can buy a DEATH POLICY without having to undergo a medical exam or even reveal you might be totally confined to your bedroom with bone cancer. But there is a catch for this $20,000 bounty when you die. You have to be under the age of 75.
Who are these acturaries kidding? Go to any doctor's office and you will see patients in their 80's and 90's waiting for appointments. Why should these hardy old-timers be denied DEATH INSURANCE? Yes, let's call it what it is, MET-LIFE, it's DEATH INSURANCE.
Obviously, the insurance company doesn't want to risk anyone living to 100 with a paid up DEATH INSURANCE POLICY. The payouts to these feeble people waiting for Heaven would be enormous when they all start falling and suffer broken bones with a cardiac arrest to boot.
On the other hand, if you are under the age of 75, would like to be cremated and have your ashes scattered on the lawn of a nearby House of Worship, then I would suggest going for the twenty grand policy before you pass the age of 75. This would avoid enormous funeral expenses that could cost thousands of dollars. And the party afterwards, including musicians and good food, is always a five figure sum.
So why not plan to die cheap? I have made my plans. No fuss, no heroic efforts to save my life, no public funeral. Just call a taxi, give the driver $500 and a shovel, a small metal container with my ashes, along with the modest wooden headstone that reads "I HAD FUN," and tell him to drive to a wooded area nearby.
This way, friends, relatives and fans can visit that site (a $10 fee will send them a map) and they can cry their eyes out, curse me out or say prayers. I just won't care anymore.
Who are these acturaries kidding? Go to any doctor's office and you will see patients in their 80's and 90's waiting for appointments. Why should these hardy old-timers be denied DEATH INSURANCE? Yes, let's call it what it is, MET-LIFE, it's DEATH INSURANCE.
Obviously, the insurance company doesn't want to risk anyone living to 100 with a paid up DEATH INSURANCE POLICY. The payouts to these feeble people waiting for Heaven would be enormous when they all start falling and suffer broken bones with a cardiac arrest to boot.
On the other hand, if you are under the age of 75, would like to be cremated and have your ashes scattered on the lawn of a nearby House of Worship, then I would suggest going for the twenty grand policy before you pass the age of 75. This would avoid enormous funeral expenses that could cost thousands of dollars. And the party afterwards, including musicians and good food, is always a five figure sum.
So why not plan to die cheap? I have made my plans. No fuss, no heroic efforts to save my life, no public funeral. Just call a taxi, give the driver $500 and a shovel, a small metal container with my ashes, along with the modest wooden headstone that reads "I HAD FUN," and tell him to drive to a wooded area nearby.
This way, friends, relatives and fans can visit that site (a $10 fee will send them a map) and they can cry their eyes out, curse me out or say prayers. I just won't care anymore.
Thursday, August 13, 2015
What Are Your Chances of Winning the Connecticut Lottery? Probably None!
The odds against winning a scratch-off card $3,000,000 bonanza are too great to contemplate. There are hundreds of outlets selling scratch-off cards and millions of wrong numbers that don't match the tantalizing lottery ads on television. So why buy a card? Because we are all dreamers! And the super rich Connecticut Lottery controls the printing of scratch-off cards.
Each card proclaims "15 chances to win" or "30 chances to win" and never ever do you read "15 chances to lose" or "30 chances to lose." Something like the wallet left on the sidewalk packed with newspaper strips, and a barely visible string to pull it away from the sucker trying to grab the money.
I've been purchasing scratch-off cards for the past twenty years. I've won $100 a few times on a $5 card and invested in the Connecticut Lottery coffers. The profits are supposed to provide additional money for the state's educational institutions. Nevertheless, school custodians make more than teachers. Nor has anyone viewed a Connecticut Lottery financial statement. Hmmmmmm.
So forget your dreams for quick riches from scratch-off cards. Just play their game as I do and enjoy the scratching. You might get lucky. Probably not. It's still fun to try, and that's what I'm doing!
Each card proclaims "15 chances to win" or "30 chances to win" and never ever do you read "15 chances to lose" or "30 chances to lose." Something like the wallet left on the sidewalk packed with newspaper strips, and a barely visible string to pull it away from the sucker trying to grab the money.
I've been purchasing scratch-off cards for the past twenty years. I've won $100 a few times on a $5 card and invested in the Connecticut Lottery coffers. The profits are supposed to provide additional money for the state's educational institutions. Nevertheless, school custodians make more than teachers. Nor has anyone viewed a Connecticut Lottery financial statement. Hmmmmmm.
So forget your dreams for quick riches from scratch-off cards. Just play their game as I do and enjoy the scratching. You might get lucky. Probably not. It's still fun to try, and that's what I'm doing!
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
Does Liberty Mutual Save You Money? Hell No!!!
We have had auto and home insurance for the past three years with Liberty Mutual. At the beginning the monthly cost for both policies was $75. Then that total has risen surreptitiously to $145 a month! So we haven't saved. We've been bilked!
At first, regular calls to the Liberty Mutual agent were never returned. Then a few postcards to the President of the Company brought a response. It was mostly double talk to explain the company's overhead in applying new charges. And, guess what? That information was in the contract's small print that took a magnifying glass to read, and still not understand.
Meantime, we're paying the piper, albeit there are a dozen insurance companies waiting in the wings to service us. But, unfortunately, queries and requests for a quote result in the same, if not higher, than we are presently paying. So we're stuck with being stiffed by a "reputable" insurance that advertises extensively to save customers money.
Perhaps that is why so many millions are climbing aboard Donald Trump's bandwagon to "MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! But we're not climbing aboard that "fast boat" because he still owes me $900 from a default judgment I obtained in Small Claims Court in 1998. The "Donald" laughs all the way to his banks at such a debt. And he has gone to court to re-open my judgment that is good for twenty years.
So I have three more years of life in my judgment and I plan to visit Atlantic City, NJ, pay the sheriff $50 and hold an auction for his Taj Mahal Hotel and Casino. I'll keep the first $900 and give him the next 55 million. Just stay tuned to QUESTIONBLE COMMENTARIES for a final solution.
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Donald Trump for President; Dennis Rodman for Vice-President; Sara Palin for Secretary of State.
Now that's a slate worth watching as the 2016 campaigns accelerate their rheteric on treadmills to oblivion and "Putney Swope" rears its satirical legacy. (Where are Robert Downey,Sr. and Michael Moore when we need them?)
Donald Trump's balls are as big as ballast balloons. He wears them on his chest. Dennis Rodman is a loose cannon who can also charm snakes. Sara Palin, as Secretary of State, would prove truly magical as she breast feeds another baby, holds court with her staff and watches Russia through a telescope on her Alaska property. So, folks, watch this team MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!
Once Trump wins the Presidencial election in 2016 he will behave like a combination of Atila the Hun, Franklin D. Roosevelt and Jimmy Stewart. There will be invasions, fueled by a one year mandatory draft of all eligible men and women between the ages of 18 and 36. They will be trained and then sent on their way to serve or suffer a dishonorable discharge. So it's do or die for millions of young people.
During this year of 2015 we are all living in real time history. Unbelievable? Absolutely! But there is excitement, humor and disbelief in the air. Otherwise we would be experiencing a lackluster barrage of political verbage that bores everyone to death.
Personally, I'm pleased to see Donald Trump running for office. Granted, he didn't work his way up through the political system. So what? He has his own money to spend, his red, white and blue airplane and a beautiful family. Let's all stay tuned and enjoy the antics of these three baffoons!
Donald Trump's balls are as big as ballast balloons. He wears them on his chest. Dennis Rodman is a loose cannon who can also charm snakes. Sara Palin, as Secretary of State, would prove truly magical as she breast feeds another baby, holds court with her staff and watches Russia through a telescope on her Alaska property. So, folks, watch this team MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!
Once Trump wins the Presidencial election in 2016 he will behave like a combination of Atila the Hun, Franklin D. Roosevelt and Jimmy Stewart. There will be invasions, fueled by a one year mandatory draft of all eligible men and women between the ages of 18 and 36. They will be trained and then sent on their way to serve or suffer a dishonorable discharge. So it's do or die for millions of young people.
During this year of 2015 we are all living in real time history. Unbelievable? Absolutely! But there is excitement, humor and disbelief in the air. Otherwise we would be experiencing a lackluster barrage of political verbage that bores everyone to death.
Personally, I'm pleased to see Donald Trump running for office. Granted, he didn't work his way up through the political system. So what? He has his own money to spend, his red, white and blue airplane and a beautiful family. Let's all stay tuned and enjoy the antics of these three baffoons!
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