Do you really want to unsubscribe?

     Yes, I want to quit having to spend an hour or more everyday deleting all the ads, pitches, comments and pleas for funds for the destitute in South Africa, also North, West and East.
I have my own personal private list for occasional and modest donations. Most of the pitchers seeking money take 95% for their operating expenses. Hmmmmmm.  PLEASE UNSUBSCRIBE ME!
     But they won't let go. Forget the free trip to South America if you press #1. JUST HANG UP>
If you press #2 to get off the list, they darken the screen so you can barely read the text as follows:
Are you sure you want to leave us?-----------------------------
What prompted you to decline our Grand Prize just for you and your mate?-------------------
Can you reeconsider your decision to depart?  If so we'll throw in free air fare--------(If you don't mind being strapped to the wings)
Don't you care that I support three kids as a single father?-----------
     The pleas for your return to these hucksters continues for another minute. Then fade out and on to your desk top or home page. There you will see another form of "pimpertising" via drop down that says "You like Big Band Music, don't you? and "How did you like the concert with Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett? Wasn't that a blast from the past!" "Here is a bargain on the drum battle between Ringo Starr and Ginger Baker. Buy the DVD for only $4 plus $6 handling and shipping."
     Now you''re ready for Prozac or a double Scotch. No point in becoming a druggie or drunk. Instead, strike back with a reply that warns the scammer to change his or her password as follows:

`                                                  Resetting The Password

            

"Sorry, your password has been in use for 30 days and has expired - you must register a new one."
roses
"Sorry, too few characters."
pretty roses
"Sorry, you must use at least one numerical character."
1 pretty rose
"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces."
1prettyrose
"Sorry, you must use at least 10 different characters."
1fuckingprettyrose           
"Sorry, you must use at least one upper case character."
1FUCKINGprettyrose
"Sorry, you cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively."
1FuckingPrettyRose
"Sorry, you must use no fewer than 20 total characters."
1FuckingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessFuckingnow!
"Sorry, you cannot use punctuation."
1FuckingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessFuckingNow
"Sorry, that password is already in use.”

"

     

Want to win two million dollars, $10,000 a month for life and a new car? Try buying something from PCH, sucker!

     Well, don't hold your breath, close your eyes and wait 5,000 years. You will then be nothing but rotten bones and your car long ago reduced to a 2 x 4 piece of rusty plastic. PUBLISHERS CLEARING HOUSE will have discarded your application into the garbage and declared bankrupcy. The CEO and other corporate officers laughed themselves silly before committing suicide while toasting the late Reverand Jones of Guyana and a former disgraced candidate for President of the United States, Sir Donald Trump.
     Yes, folks, in a moment of depressed fury, the Queen of England had knighted that pompous bugger with her sword. She intended to stab him for fondling her breasts, but she missed. No charges were ever filed and Trump was buried in Potter's Field somewhere on Roosevelt Island after he lost his entire fortune in a civil suit filed by one of his eight ex-wives, Marla Maples.
     Publishers Clearing House does exactly as its name says: they clear out customers' hard earned money for the crap they sell. And they use P.T. Barnum as their mentor with constant reminders near sales pitches on their mailings: WINNERS GUARANTEED! What does that mean? Absolutely nothing. Not even an EXIT WARNING. At lease Barnum did that with his museum's EGRESS sign that was a door to the sidewalk.
     So don't spend any of that PCH two million dollars lottery. It won't help if you buy something. And it won't help if you don't buy anything. Just don't waste your time opening their deceptive envelopes filled with garbage gifts. Throw their shit right into the round file.
     Thanks to Al Gore's invention, The Internet, there are many thousands of other scammers who purchase mailing lists, especially seniors, and regularly pitch them on line, via snail mail and through telemarketers. We are not really safe from these birds of prey. Just tear and toss, delete or hang up. Don't be a victim!
     Personally, I enjoy playing with these pitchers. When Arthur Murray's Dance Studio called me to say I had just won three free dance lessons, I claimed to have only one leg. When the caller apologized profusely, I asked about pole dancing instead. He cursed me out and  hung up abruptly.     
      Ditto for the NRA pitchman who offered me a five year subscription to the National Rifle Association's monthly magazine, "Kill Thy Neighbor," for only$250, marked down from $350 just for seniors.  I said we already had a bow and  sheath of poisoned arrows to repel home invaders, then hung up on him.