I've been with Bank of America for over 30 years and I continue to get ripped off. Funds sent directly to my account from overseas continue to be "held for processing." Why? Well, because the bank invests in the stock market (please come back Bernie Madoff and steal boldly) with depositors' money. It's all quite legal. Hmmmmm. But Insider Trading isn't, except for Members of Congress. So the rich get richer and the poor get poorer.
My latest beef with Bank of America (yes, I'm switching to Chase) concerns an automatic payment of insurance premiums monthly to Liberty Mutual. Since the latter has doubled its premiums over my past four years of loyal service (only one minor fender bender), I've decided to try another insurer (no names please). When I called Bank of America to cease and desist on my monthly payment, the young lady in the Philippines advised me there would be a $30 charge. No way Jose!
I call it extortion. They call it standard banking procedure. Willie Sutton and Donald Trump would call it HONEST THIEVERY. Hillery Clinton and Bernie Sanders would........never mind. I'm just thinking as I blather on with this blog.
Meantime, I've just finished reading the rules posted by FedEx to win a ton of money. That took me an hour to discover I had to make a FedEx shipment before entering their wonderful contest. I suspect the odds are 1 in 175,000,000 for winning. That sounds like Powerball or MegaMillions. You don't stand a chance of winning anything. But you will lose your patience and trust in FedEx. No thanks!
Now I'm beginning to wonder why oh why did I ever leave Ohio. It's so comfortable and quiet back there in the small town I grew up in. One murder in 18 years. A naked woman came floating down our Walhounding River. The sheriff, under great pressure to solve the crime, was quoted in the COSHOCTON DAILY DISAPPOINTMENT as saying, "She ain't from around here because her toenails are painted. Must be a big city gal."
Thanks for reading. Next blog, I will discuss the night I spent with Frank Sinatra, Jr. What a blast that was!
Tuesday, March 22, 2016
Saturday, March 12, 2016
Be Ready 24/7 With Cialis. Or Else Call Your Doctor.
Wonder Drug Cialis promises a lot. You can have sex anytime, anywhere, anyhow. If you have an erection more than four hours, call your doctor. Let's try that right now. Just keep reading.
AA: Is the doctor in?
Dr. No, this is his robot. You can call me Hank. First, the menu. If this is an emergency call 911. If you are an MD dial 1. If you are a RN get back to work. If you have a headache, take an aspirin, go to bed and call me tomorrow. If you wish to make an appointment, dial 2 and keep wishing. You might get lucky. If you are still erect and horny, masturbate. Otherwise, hang up and prepare for side effects. Things like coughing, sneezing, nose bleeds, vomiting, diarrhea and fainting. If the latter, you will eventually wake up. Unless you fall on a pointed object. Then there will be blood on the floor. Get to an ER hospital pronto. Press 3 if you promise not to bother me again. However, if you want to schedule a threesome, press 4. My secretary with the incredible body will offer several available dates, along with the location and time. I'll bring the condoms. You'll pay for dinner. Remember: mums the word. (MUSIC: 'Flow Gently Sweet Afton") This audio tape will now erase and become blank for the next caller. Wait time is 37 minutes. BTW Don't forget to donate your organs when the Grim Reaper hauls you in. Also, cremation is much, much cheaper than a funeral. Thanks for calling and have a nice day. Or night. PS Would you like to stay on the line and take a short survey? I guess not.
(MUSIC UP AND FADE OUT)
In this age of cyber optics and digital electronics we are all subjected to robots replacing people. The former are cheaper to manufacture and maintain. They aren't AWOL because of sickness, periods or vacations. Nor do they have to belong to a union and picket for more perks such as salary increases. And probably best of all, no robot has ever displayed a love of guns and murdered fellow employees when frustrated over his or her sex life. Regardless, I am ordering more Cialis today!
AA: Is the doctor in?
Dr. No, this is his robot. You can call me Hank. First, the menu. If this is an emergency call 911. If you are an MD dial 1. If you are a RN get back to work. If you have a headache, take an aspirin, go to bed and call me tomorrow. If you wish to make an appointment, dial 2 and keep wishing. You might get lucky. If you are still erect and horny, masturbate. Otherwise, hang up and prepare for side effects. Things like coughing, sneezing, nose bleeds, vomiting, diarrhea and fainting. If the latter, you will eventually wake up. Unless you fall on a pointed object. Then there will be blood on the floor. Get to an ER hospital pronto. Press 3 if you promise not to bother me again. However, if you want to schedule a threesome, press 4. My secretary with the incredible body will offer several available dates, along with the location and time. I'll bring the condoms. You'll pay for dinner. Remember: mums the word. (MUSIC: 'Flow Gently Sweet Afton") This audio tape will now erase and become blank for the next caller. Wait time is 37 minutes. BTW Don't forget to donate your organs when the Grim Reaper hauls you in. Also, cremation is much, much cheaper than a funeral. Thanks for calling and have a nice day. Or night. PS Would you like to stay on the line and take a short survey? I guess not.
(MUSIC UP AND FADE OUT)
In this age of cyber optics and digital electronics we are all subjected to robots replacing people. The former are cheaper to manufacture and maintain. They aren't AWOL because of sickness, periods or vacations. Nor do they have to belong to a union and picket for more perks such as salary increases. And probably best of all, no robot has ever displayed a love of guns and murdered fellow employees when frustrated over his or her sex life. Regardless, I am ordering more Cialis today!
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